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Monday, January 29, 2007
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I am a monster..
Everyday.. I beat myself up coz of that fact...
I am a fake..
Somehow, I want to believe that I am real..
That I am one of the good guys..
But I am not..
I am no better than anyone else..
I blamed myself for what happened to us..
And losing you is the stupidiest thing I did...
Somehow I don't want to be justified..
I want to be beatten up...
I thought the monster inside me is dead...
But it's still alive..waiting for the perfect moment to get loose...

I heard Pastor Sumrall said to the pastors, "One day, you will wake up and said some thing to somebody that you will regret." Even though I am not a pastor I feel that what he said spoke to me. I said some things I never should have said. I released words I never should have released. I surrendered myself completely to rage... now.. I lost it. Everyday, I beat myself up. And when I read the Bible I feel so stupid. I feel like it mentioned me. I want to stop reading and stay away from God coz I am not worthy. I just feel like a fake every single time I read it. But then I thought... Who is worthy? No one is worthy... we all need God. I don't have to let myself loose to stupidity again. Pastor Sumrall added, "You are human." Yes, I am human. I make mistakes and if I won't learn from this.. I will be like Samson..I will surely fail.
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007
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1. Do not confuse the process with the people.

Sometimes we tend to sacrifice the person just because we want to stick to the process even though we know that something is wrong with the process. The person is, many time, more important with the process. One good example of this is when we dined at a fastfood in Cebu. There were six of us trying to fit ourselves in a table for four people. We don't have much of a choice, the store only caters for groups of four and we need to be together since it was our working lunch. After taking our orders, we sat the down and talk about what we are about to do. When our food was served, a crew of that fastfood has the stomach to tell us to remove the extra chairs we had because it will block the aisle. I look around and nobody was there except our group; We are the only customer of the store at that time. So I reprimanded him and told him where will he put the group in such a way that we will not block the aisle. He did not responded instead he grab the chair and asked us to move. WOW!!! So I went in under his skin and give him a piece of my mind. What I thought at that moment is that after ordering food from them and paying for the place, he has now the stomach to correct us without even giving us an alternative solution to our problems. He confused the rightness of the procedure with the customer. He forgot that the customer is always right.

2. Don't confuse people with tools.

Never refer to one person as a tool. Because he is not a tool, he is a being. I hate it when some people refer to somebody as a tool. I feel that it is such a disrespect to the God who created that person. I have an example about this but I will not write it.

3. Exercise the power of choice.

This is a very relative statement. If you are a dictator then you don't give a damn about choice. What you probably want is for people to obey you whether or not they want to. Choice is a power given to us by God. Like all powers it can be used and abused. In any institution where freedom of choice is advocated, people there is has no right whatsoever to dictate choices of other people, esp if the choice is between two good things. Dictators don't belong to a these kind of institution. They just don't mix. Rebellion is not even needed to overthrow dictators because the system will overthrow the dictator itself. Free choice and forced choice just don't mix.
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Thursday, January 11, 2007
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"I don't like you...", she told me straight in my face. "Just forget it.. don't even wait.", she added. I let out a slight grin and said, " then.. OK.. let's just be friends then. OK?". "OK.", she said. I know that was not going to be the last time that I will tell her how special she is for me. She was just 15 years old and it was just months since I celebrated my 21st birthday. We hang-out a lot; Just talk about anything - music, love, politics, religion, human rights, and so on and so forth.
Before that conversation took place I already determined in my heart that I am ready for whatever she will say. If she rejects me then it's worth it. Somebody so special should be worthy of hurting me emotionally. I won't regret being rejected by somebody so special to me. So there I was.. letting out that slight smile that might changed the mood of the situation. The next night, we spoke again as if I never told her that I love her and I want her to be my girl the previous night. This probably came in as a surprise to her but I was not going to allow it put a gap between us. If I can't have the girl then I want the friend. That night, I am ready to be just a friend.

One day, she told me that she likes the song, "I could sing of Your Love" by Sonicflood so what I did was I went to a friend and asked him to help me play that song using a guitar. She is musically inclined so I am planning to impress her by playing that song using her guitar (I don't own a guitar but she does). If you know me personally I can't even play a "cling-clang". I mean I don't play any musical instrument but I sing. And I found my voice to be OK. So I thought, if I can just learn a bit of strumming and sing at the same time then I should be able to pull this amazing feat of playing a guitar. And so there I was playing and practicing one single song - I could sing of you love. My friend didn't asked why I want that song, he just showed me how to do it. I practiced for about 2-3 Saturdays. After feeling a little bit of confidence... I feel that I am now ready to present this amazing act of playing the whole song.

So I went to her.. chitchat a bit. Then asked for the guitar and started playing the song that she like.:D I know I was not impressive but I think I was able to pull it off. You know why? Because she sang with me!!! hehehehe... yeah she sang with me.."Over the mountains and the sea.. Your river runs with love for me.." hehehe... she sang with me. :)
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Tuesday, January 09, 2007
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  • 10:38 AM
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I like this blog: http://jonowen.blogspot.com

He wrote about worship which I really miss doing. I mean I do worship God but I want more. I'm hungry and thirsty and I just want to cry and laugh in His presence. I miss doing all those things. I miss our [me and Jesus] intimate time together. I mean I miss it and I became a bit hard-hearted because its been a long time since I really had a sprit to spirit encounter with God. It's been a long time since I had a "burning bush" experience with God. Today I had a bit but I want more. I want more of His presence and just want to experience more of God.

I want to see His Word leap out of the pages of the Bible once again. I want to experience Him again and again.. until, like the bush, I get burned. I want to be burned again by the holy fire of God. I want to melt the man in me. I don't know if you know what I'm talking about but I hope you do.
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Thursday, December 28, 2006
Daghang Gwapa Sa Ayala

  • 7:45 AM
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Aku napasoruy ngadto sa Ayala..
Oh my .. oh my... kadaghan jud ug gwapa..
Look to your left..
Look to your right...
Perting daghana..
mistesa ug chinita..

Uban na nay fafa..
Ang Uban lolo na ang tag-iya..
Uban kuyog ug puti..
Ang Uban kuyog ug itum..
Uban noypi nga sosyalan....
Ang Uban instik ang gibunalan..

Pero aku naswerthan..
Kay daghan sad ug solo flight..
Mga tisay nga sige ug text-text..
nagHello-hello.. nagcalling-calling sa ila mga friends..

Swerte jud kaayu kay aku ra usa..
Wla ku kuyug..
hmmm...hehehehe
higayun na ni..:D

Pero.. wla jud sila swerte..
kining mga girls nga perting tesaya..
Kining mga nka mini-skirt nag nagpakitasa ila pusod..
Kining mga gwapa nga englisera..
kining mga sexy ug sopesteketed nga mga babaye..
Kay kining lalakeha nga ng-istorya kay taken na..:D

Hehehe...Abi ninyu kalimot ku??
nga mubasa sad aku uyab ani no?
Wa oi... hehehehe...


from: balut4sale.blogspot.com
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Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Me and Joyce in the Bird Sanctuary
Joyce leaping her way to the sky..
Josiah flying like a butterfly.:D
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Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Heroes


Heroes
Where does it come from? This quest... this need to solve life's mysteries for the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we would be better off not looking at all. Not delving, not yearning. That's all human nature, not the human heart. That is not why we are here.



You do not choose your destiny, it chooses you. And those who knew you before fate took you by the hand, cannot understand the depth of the changes inside. They cannot fathom how much you stand to lose in failure. But you are the instrument of a flawless design... and all of life may hang in the balance. A hero learns quickly who can comprehend... and who merely stands in your way.




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Thursday, December 14, 2006
Shatterred Mask



There are things that we hide from others..
Things we don't want other people to find out about us.

But there has to be a time where we lay down our masks
There has to be a time where we retire from pretending and be ourselves.

I do not mean that we hang our underwears for the world to see but what
I mean is that we show the world that we are true and free.

The dungeon of pretention is the most tragic place a free man live.

To be impressoned in the hell of the past is such a tragic thing for a man whose future is already paid.

You are free and I am free. What good is Christ's sacrifice on the cross if we don't receive the freedom He paid with His LIFE?

I am a free man. You are a free.
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Heroes (lexmark version)



"Never trust a masked man."

Left to right:
1. Red Face
2. Feathered lady 1 aka "Have a break."
3. Feathered lady 2 (little lady) aka "Mouse"
4. Feathered lady 3 (back of the little lady) aka "Princess K"
5. Feathered lady 4 (little lady 2) aka "Edna"
6. Feathered lady 5 (in brown) aka "Tower of Cebu"
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Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
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Last night, my media friends talk about becoming a faithful employee. And we talk about different work issues and our dreams about building our own company. I realized I was not alone in these issues. I saw similar patterns of conflict of interests, faith, doubts, fears, desires, hopes, and many more. Somehow, when I think about it, I known these guys for a long time yet I realized I have not really know them that much. I mean, there are just too many things to discover from one person.

The old woman in the movie Titanic said, “ A woman’s heart is an ocean of many secrets.” And I believe every man has an ocean of many secrets and desires and when you get together with one person and they sort of trust you with a pail of some of their heart's contents. And you also have the honor to trust them back with a pail of yours.:)

When I was still courting my girlfriend, I remember a time when she would not give me any hint if she feels the same way unless I give her some of my feelings.:) So when I told her how much I like her she sort of said, “You are OK”. :) And that is how we progressed; I trust her with my feelings and she trust me with hers.

And it’s more like the same with these media friends- give and take. I’m honored to be trusted with some of their dreams and to trust them my dreams is just awesome.:)
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Friday, November 24, 2006
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According to Robert Kiyosaki, author of Rich Dad Poor Dad Series, there are four types of people in the world: Employee (E Quadrant), Self-Employed (S Quadrant), Business Owner (B Quadrant), and Investors (I Quadrant).

If you read his book, the main criterion of the how a person belong a particular group, whether the person is an employee or self-employed or a business owner or an investor is dependent on where his income came from. If the person's income is from a company where the person is working then he belongs to the E Quadrant. This is the same for other groups and you can read the details in his books.

But do you know that there is such a thing as an E mindset?

You can be an employee but your mindset is of those of a business owner or an investor. If you work for money then you have an employee mindset. Kiyosaki said, "The rich don't work for money, money works for them." "Work to learn, don't work for money."
If you work for money that means you have a price. But that should not be so because you are priceless. You are there to learn and the best way to learn is to work it yourself. It's easy to spot those with an employee mindset, just listen to the words they often say. If they talk about the benefits, or bigger pay, or the security, that person more likely has an employee mindset. Ussually the statements goes like this, "Well, I like going to company A since they pay much higher than my current company plus they have good benefits." Or you might hear something like this," Oh well, they are not getting me to do what they want until I get my increase." Or something like, "If the company only pays me this much then I will perform better." Or something like, "I am secure in this company because I have these benefits." Or "Are the benefits in Company A bitter than our company?" If you hear words like that froma person then that person has an E mindset. They based their prosperity, security and their financial promotion in what other people can provide for them.

While being in the E Quadrant is not bad, having an E mindset is really not smart. I believe that having an E mindset hinders intellectual, emotional, and spiritual growth. Why? Because if you have an E mindset then you have a false sense of security because your security is based in what other people will give you. Because it makes a person feel motivated to go an extra mile (in his/her career life) only if the company or the boss is giving the person the money he/she wants. Because the person now finds security on man and close his/her mind on what God can do.

Do you have an E mindset? If you do, then you need to renew your mind. If you want to move from E Quadrant to the B or I Quadrants then you need to change the way you think. Stop thinking, what you can get from the company, think instead what can you learn from what you are doing.

God has so much in store for you so renew your mind.
Philippians 4:8 says:
“…Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
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Thursday, November 23, 2006
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Hi,
It's been awhile since I've written something in this blog.:-)
I really want to write but I can't seem to find the right time to do it.
Yesteryday was Joyce's (my dear girlfriend) birthday.
She just turned 19 and we will be celebrating our 3rd year of being together next month.
I should say it's been quite a challenge to make it this far.:-)
We had a lot of adjustmentsand every month we overcome challenges and encounter new adjustments.
I know a lot of guys want to be in my place and be her guy and I recognize that and I'm very proud of it.:-)
However most of them didn't know its tough.
I'm just thinking of all the conflicts we had as a workout for our future.
There is more to come as we continue growing in each others shoes. :-)
I'm excited in a way since we really compliment each other.
You know, the more she grow the more she becomes prettier and prettier.
And the more I was her weaknesses, the more I realized that I really love her.:-) Char!
- Josiah
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